Chapter 3 - The Father Who Taught Him to Fear Love
Richard Brooks looked smaller in a hospital bed than Elena remembered.
He had always been broad-shouldered, loud at Thanksgiving and emotionally allergic to any conversation beginning with the words “How do you feel?”
Now oxygen tubing ran beneath his nose.
A nurse explained that dehydration and an irregular heartbeat had caused the collapse.
Nothing immediately life-threatening.
Damian stood at the foot of the bed with his hands shoved into his coat pockets.
Richard looked at Elena first.
“Elena.”
“Hi, Richard.”
Then his eyes shifted to Damian.
“You look terrible.”
Damian almost smiled.
“You're one to talk.”
Elena watched them.
Two men who loved each other deeply and had spent decades pretending affection was something embarrassing.
Richard noticed the folder under Elena's arm.
“What's that?”
Neither answered.
The old man frowned.
“Don't both look guilty at once. Makes me nervous.”
Damian sat beside him.
“Dad, why did you stop functioning after Mom died?”
Elena froze.
Richard did too.
“What?”
“After Mom died. Why did you stop working? Paying bills? Eating?”
Richard's face hardened.
“Now?”
“Yes.”
“I'm lying in a hospital bed.”
“You've avoided answering for twenty-one years.”
Richard looked at Elena.
“What happened?”
She placed the hospital folder down.
Richard's eyes moved to the logo.
Then to Damian.
Understanding appeared immediately.
“You told her.”
Damian went still.
Elena stared between them.
“You knew?”
Richard closed his eyes.
“Oh, God.”
Elena's anger flared.
“You knew about Damian's condition?”
“Yes.”
“For how long?”
“Since the first scan.”
Elena turned toward her husband.
“You told your father but not me?”
“It was an emergency contact issue.”
Richard snorted.
“He's lying.”
Damian glared at him.
Richard ignored it.
“He called me from the hospital parking garage because he was terrified.”
Elena slowly turned back.
Richard continued.
“He hadn't sounded that scared since his mother died.”
“Dad.”
“No.”
Richard's voice strengthened.
“You spent three years hiding behind my failure. I'm done helping you do it.”
Damian stiffened.
Richard looked at Elena.
“I did fall apart after Margaret died. That's true.”
His eyes filled.
“But Damian never understood why.”
Damian frowned.
“What do you mean?”
Richard stared toward the ceiling.
“Your mother didn't simply die suddenly.”
Damian's expression shifted.
“She had cancer.”
“Yes.”
“You told me she was diagnosed six weeks before she died.”
Richard swallowed.
“She knew for eleven months.”
Silence.
Damian stared at him.
“What?”
“She found the lump almost a year earlier.”
“Why didn't I know?”
“Because she wouldn't tell you.”
Damian stood.
Elena saw his hands shaking.
“She was trying to protect you?”
Richard gave a sad laugh.
“The same stupid thing you've been doing to Elena.”
Damian stopped.
Richard's eyes filled with tears.
“Your mother made me promise we wouldn't tell you until we absolutely had to. She said you were seventeen. Scholarships. College applications. She wanted you living normally.”
Damian's face lost color.
“I thought…”
“I know what you thought.”
Richard's voice broke.
“You thought love destroyed me.”
Damian did not answer.
Richard shook his head.
“It wasn't losing your mother that destroyed me.”
“What was it?”
“Regret.”
The room fell silent.
Richard wiped his eyes.
“She kept her illness from me for the first four months too. By the time I knew, she'd already decided which treatments she would refuse.”
Damian sat slowly.
“I spent the rest of her life fighting decisions she had already made without me.”
Elena's chest tightened.
Richard looked directly at his son.
“When she died, I wasn't only grieving her. I was furious. At her. At myself. At every conversation we didn't get to have because she thought she was protecting us.”
Damian's eyes filled.
Richard pointed weakly toward Elena.
“And now you did exactly the same thing.”
The truth entered the room like a blade.
Damian looked destroyed.
“I thought I was avoiding your life.”
“You copied it.”
Richard closed his eyes.
“I should have told you years ago.”
Damian stood abruptly and walked out.
Elena followed him into the hallway.
She found him beside a vending machine, staring at nothing.
“Damian.”
He pressed both hands against his face.
“My entire life…”
“I know.”
“I built my entire marriage around something I misunderstood.”
Elena leaned against the wall.
“You didn't misunderstand everything.”
He looked at her.
“You still made those choices.”
“I know.”
“But maybe now you understand why fear isn't wisdom.”
Damian stared at her.
“I don't know how to fix what I did.”
“You probably can't.”
He absorbed that.
Elena stepped closer.
“But fixing it and becoming different are not the same thing.”
Before he could answer, his phone buzzed.
An email.
Damian looked down.
His expression tightened.
“What?”
“The Baltimore specialist moved my appointment.”
“To when?”
“Friday.”
“That’s three days away.”
“Yes.”
Elena nodded.
“We're going.”
Damian opened his mouth.
“We're going.”
He almost argued.
Then he stopped.
“Okay.”
It was the first time in years Elena heard him accept help without resistance.
Inside the hospital room, Richard watched them through the glass.
Later that night, after Damian drove his father home, Elena stood in their penthouse bedroom staring at the empty suitcase on the bed.
Damian entered.
“I can sleep in the guest room.”
“No.”
He stopped.
Elena didn't look at him.
“Don't misunderstand. I'm still furious.”
“I won't.”
“But tonight I don't want either of us pretending distance is kindness.”
Damian slowly removed his jacket.
They lay on opposite sides of the bed.
No touching.
No pretending.
Minutes passed.
Then Damian whispered into the darkness.
“Elena?”
“Yes?”
“I was never still because I didn't want you.”
Her breath caught.
“I was still because every time you touched me, I wanted to forget every promise I'd ever made about needing someone.”
Elena stared at the ceiling.
After a long silence, she whispered, “You should have forgotten.”
Damian closed his eyes.
“I know.”
Neither slept.
May you like
But sometime before dawn, Elena's hand rested between them.
And for the first time in three years, Damian reached for it.
