Chapter 12 - Ryan's Letter
Three years after the birthday party, Ryan sent me a letter.
Rachel asked whether I wanted it.
“Yes.”
I read it once.
Ava,
I used to think the worst thing I did was hit you.
It wasn't.
The worst thing was teaching you to expect it.
The first time I apologized.
The second time I blamed stress.
Then I blamed you.
Eventually I stopped believing I needed an excuse.
By your birthday, I was proud enough of controlling you to joke about it in front of your father.
I don't expect forgiveness.
I want you to know I finally understand that my mother didn't make me hit you.
She taught me control.
I chose violence.
Those are different things.
Ryan
I folded the letter.
For the first time, I believed his apology.
It changed nothing.
That was important too.
A sincere apology did not create an obligation to reconcile.
I wished him recovery.
May you like
Silently.
Then returned to my life.
